Tag Archives: Australian Politics

Three Years of Peace & Quiet

8 Sep

Finally the three-ringed circus of Australian Federal Elections is over for another three years.

For those not paying attention, were asleep, or simply didn’t give a rat’s arse, Australia now has a new government and a new Prime Minister.  We now have a conservative government with Tony Abbott as Prime Minister.  He can’t possibly be worse than Kevin “I Have A Work Vest Paraphilia” Rudd.  One can only hope he will be better.  At least he didn’t declare he had a mandate to govern, making it sound like it was his last territorial demand in Europe, which is what Kevin Rudd did when he was elected.

I had intended to ignore the whole shebang after I had cast my (compulsary) vote.  Ended up deciding it wouldn’t hurt to watch a few minutes of “The Election Project” on Channel 10 and ended up watching the whole bloody thing.  Election  coverage is usually so very boring that death seems like a more fun thing to experience.

The Election Project combined election news with humour and insightful comments and actually made for pretty interesting television.  Including easy-on-the-eyes Member of Parliament, Jason Clare, didn’t hurt either.  Thoughtful of Channel 10 to include a little bit of thinking-woman’s crumpet.

Be that as it may, it is over.  No more election bollocks, at least at a Federal level, for another three years.  I can now concentrate on the things that are important in my life: Benedict Cumberbatch, Sherlock, books, dvds, music… the things that make life worthwhile.

The End is In Sight

27 Aug

Nope, not talking about the apocalypse or Armageddon… I’m talking about the end of the Australian Federal Election campaign.  We go to the polls  on Saturday 7th September.  Just over a week and this bollocks is done with for another three years.

I really dislike politics.  I realise every country needs a system of government and elections are the best way to get a reasonable one.  One thing that I don’t like is having my television viewing constantly interrupted with what is basically childish whining of “Pick Me! Pick Me!”  

This election has had the disturbing trend of commercials bashing the crap out of the opposition.  The Australian Labor Party’s commercials are attempting to paint opposition leader Tony Abbott as the Chief Executive Officer of Monsters Inc.  If Tony gets in, according to the Australian Labor Party, he’ll eat your children, steal your underwear, and a portal to Hell will be opened.  I have news for them… Australia already has a portal to Hell – it’s called Canberra and it’s full of lesser demons known as politicians and press secretaries!

You’ve probably realised by now that I am not a political animal.  On the political animal scale I am an otter.  I prefer to laze in the sun and play with my friends rather than even think about politics.

Right now the only politician, sitting or wannabe,  I have any time for is Julian Assange.  And this is only because there have been NO commercials on television for the Wikileaks Party.   If in the last week of the campaign commercials appear then my opinion will be dramatically revised.

Also, don’t get me started on Palmer’s United Party.  Anyone with half a working braincell should have been able to come up with a party name that didn’t have the initials P.U.P.   Always look at the initials when naming something.  The London Metropolitan Police learned that back in the late 70s when they named their latest mobile units Fast Action Response Transits! 

The other deeply annoying thing is the fact that the news programs have become de facto political commercials.  In a half hour news bulletin, there is about 20 minutes covering where the politicians were today.  Who cares?  I certainly don’t, and I am pretty sure that I am not alone in this.


So, just over a week to go… hope my sanity holds out.

Aussie Politics

15 Jul

I got told by an overseas friend, when the political shit storm was going down here the other week, that “I don’t understand your politics.”

I have news for people – I live here and I don’t bloody understand them.

We have a party political system as just about every other democracy does.  Ours, however, is scattered with independents who refuse to toe any party political line, screaming nutters no party wants, and egotists who create their own parties out of nothing.

I know our leadership confuses the Americans.  It simply means the country’s leader is the person in control of the party that has the majority.  This doesn’t always work out well because at the moment the “controlling” party is only got it’s arse in control because a group of independents is holding it upright.  The moment one of the independents gets pissed, the whole edifice will come down like a house of cards.

And the leader is voted on by the party, not the people.  Which explains why Julia Gillard managed to snare the top job.  She knifed the former incumbent, Kevin Rudd, in the back, then, in a nice little twist that the writers of “West Wing” would have loved, he decorated her shoulder blades with knife hilts and took the job back.

Most Aussies couldn’t give a rat’s arse for politics, which is probably why we have compulsory democracy.  Yup, you heard me.  COMPULSORY.  We have to bloody well vote, otherwise we cop fines.  This is the sort of “democracy” you usually only see in small African dictatorships.  At least we aren’t told how to vote – yet!

We have two houses – The House of Representatives and the Senate.  Voting for the Senate this year is going to be a barrel of laughs, as apparently the voting paper will end up being about 2 metres long, due to the volume of candidates, many of whom are independents or represent small fruit cake parties.  I think I’ll just vote for the Sex Party and be done with it.  They can’t be any worse than the Greens, who cannot see the irony of wanting people to vote for them when they would prefer to hug trees and wombats than care for people.

This brings to the last piece of political confusion.  Voting.  We have preferential voting,  You vote for your chosen candidates in order and the votes cascade down your preferences if your first choice doesn’t get enough votes.  This happens regularly.  You can chose the order or just select one candidate with the instructions that your vote be dispersed as per his arrangements, which are usually Machiavellian arrangements with even less liked candidates and involve sacrificing a black cock at midnight!  Okay, I’m exaggerating, but you get the idea.  

With a 2 metre long voting paper for the Senate I am DEFINITELY voting for the Sex Party and letting the votes fall where they will. 

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