Tag Archives: Regrets

Rules and Regrets

25 Apr

Melbourne’s public transport strikes again!  This morning two young university kids were discussing dating and something they referred to as “The Third Date Rule”.  This was a new one on me, so on my arrival at work I promptly googled.

Apparently this is a dating rule that says no sex before the third date.  Excuse me?  Why the third date?  Why the rule in the first place?  Dating involves emotions, and often, raging hormones.  Rules and hormones tend not to bond very well.

Admittedly I have been quite some time out of the dating scene.  When I was dating there didn’t actually appear to be any rules.  Though I did have my own.  Mostly along the lines of “If you grab my boobs, I will break your wrists.”  Most New Zealand males are not subtle.  Personal rules like this are necessary for a smooth exchange of pleasantries.

The reason I have problems with things like the Third Date Rule is that they are obviously created by people who have no conception of what it is like to have your world torn apart.  In their little minds everything trots from point to point and will always do so.

When I was 15 my world was torn apart.  I’d had a normal New Zealand childhood and adolescence.  Not a normal teenager…it’s hard to be rebellious when your dad is a bit of a rebel himself and frankly encourages you to bend the rules.  And this is where my world collapsed.  My dad was ill and rushed to hospital.  My world began to break apart when the doctor told us “We can fix the respiratory infection, but the cancer will take him by Christmas.”  Turned out my father had untreatable prostate cancer and hadn’t told us, because he didn’t want to worry us.  Never did get a chance to tell my father just what I thought of THAT.  But knowing my old man, he probably knew.

Exactly one week after the doctor spoke to us, my father died, and the breaking apart of my life was complete.  My world and I were both shattered.

My father had taught me many things in that 15 years.  The one that sticks the most firmly to the walls of my mind palace is “Regret the things you have done, not the things you haven’t done.  The saddest words are ‘I wish I had done that.’ ”  I regret many things about my father.  Not spending as much time with him as I could have.  But mostly not telling him I loved him as much as I wish I had.

If the right man comes along, why should I worry about the artificially constructed rules of dating that tell me that I can’t take this man to my bed before our third date?  What if he dies between the second and the third date? 

I refuse to be one of those people who spend their life saying “I wish I had…”  When the world offers me opportunities, I grab them with both hands.

The Romans had a phrase – Carpe Diem – Seize the Day.  I get out there and seize the day, the opportunities, and, if I’m lucky, a gorgeous man.  You should do the same.  Life is to be lived to the fullest.

%d bloggers like this: