Tag Archives: Sexy

It Makes Scents

11 Apr

It seems to be public transport’s function to supply me with a large number of blog posts. 

This morning a woman got on my tram wearing so much perfume it smelled as if she’d bathed in it.  A horribly sickly scented fug swept ahead of her clearing a path for her, much like a minesweeper clears mines.  The lingering stench behind her caused autonomous gagging reactions in almost everyone on board the tram.

I do not understand why women (and some men) use so much perfume that it announces their presence in the manner of medieval heralds.

For one thing, it is incredibly inconsiderate to wear that much scent.  On a tram is bad enough – at least you can open the windows.  On a plane it is a freaking nightmare.  Recirculated air system means everyone breathes your rotten perfume for the duration of the flight.  If you are flying Melbourne to London you run the risk of the flight being diverted because there is so much coughing, sneezing and eye watering that the pilot thinks he’s carrying a plane load of plague victims!

Be very aware of one thing, wearers of too much perfume, it is NOT sexy.  No-one sniffs appreciatively and thinks how sexy you smell.  They are too busy wiping watering eyes and trying not to choke to even be able to think coherently.

Perfume is sexy.  It’s probably one of the most potent weapons in a woman’s sexual armory.  But it is a weapon of subtlety, not a bloody bludgeon.

First thing you need to do is make sure your perfume suits you.  Don’t sniff the tester bottle or go by the smell on a piece of cardboard.  Your skin isn’t made of cardboard.  The perfume isn’t going to smell the same on you.  Also be aware that your own personal skin chemistry can make a major difference to the way the scent smells.  I have a friend who everyone thought wore the perfume “Poison”.  She didn’t.  It was another brand, but on her it smelled like “Poison”.

The second thing is don’t buy cheap perfume.  Save your pennies until you can buy a good perfume.  French for preference.  The French still make the best perfumes in the world.  It doesn’t have to be $300 an ounce.  Even the cheaper end of the French perfume market has some truly exquisite scents.  I use Anais Anais.  A gorgeous floral scent that smells fantastic on my skin.

Thirdly and lastly: don’t bathe in it.  Perfume isn’t bait to catch a man/woman/small furry alien.  Only two people should be able to smell your perfume.  You and your lover. Think about it for a while.

Perfume is a very personal, very sensual thing.  It’s a good idea to keep it that way, if only for public health reasons.

Feel the Sexy!

3 Mar

I really need to give up reading the colour supplements in the weekend newspapers.  It’s not the celebrity gossip.  You know, which man/woman/porcupine the current Star of the Week is screwing. I’ve never been interested in the sex lives of the rich and notorious.  It’s the so called life style advice that drives me crazy.

All You Need to Feel Sexy!  And they offer up a pair of knickers consisting of a redesigned handkerchief with attached lace for the princely sum of $300 as the cure to your non-sexiness. 

I can feel sexy with the assistance of the $5.95 bottle of Moroccan Rose shower gel from the Body Shop!  I undulate out of the bathroom feeling like an odalisque in the Sultan’s Harem, about to make her play for the Sultan’s heart.  *coughs*  Excuse me.  I read far too much Barbara Cartland in my youth.

What was I saying?  Oh, yeah.  This is what is wrong with so called life style advice.  They treat it like a home renovation show.  Drape yourself in overpriced underwear, and you too can feel like a princess.

Nope.  Doesn’t work that way.  How many of us would think “I’m wearing $300 knickers, therefore I am incredibly sexy?”  Probably not many.  I know I wouldn’t.  I wouldn’t even think it if I was being undressed by the man of my dreams prior to a night of wild, unbridled passion.  “He knows I’m sexy cos I’m wearing $300 knickers.”  I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t give a toss.  Actually, if he did know my knickers cost $300 I’d start worrying about his sexuality!

The point I am making is that there is no quick way to feeling sexy.  With my measurements of 37-31-39 I consider myself curvaceous; the fashion industry considers me fat.  The fashion industry does not create sexy clothes for “fat women”, therefore if I relied on clothing to make me feel sexy I would spend all my life feeling like a frump.

There is a simple way to feel sexy.  It’s simple, but not easy.  You have to love yourself.  This is easier said than done, I know.  You need to love your own body.  None of this anxious peering at the mirror asking, “Does my bum look big in this?”  I have 39 inch hips – my bum looks big in everything!

As I said, it isn’t easy, but it is worth it.  It’s taken me years of staring in the mirror and silently affirming that I love my body. 

Someone once said that older women are more comfortable in their bodies.  This could well be true.  I took me to over age 40 to really love my body.  To look in the mirror and be happy with what I see.  To shake my hair back, smile at my reflection, and think “I feel sexy, dammit, I AM sexy!”

And not a $300 pair of knickers in sight.

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